When Your Old Self Has Died But Your New Self Hasn't Fully Emerged Yet

How to survive the in-between

Photo by Matthew Brodeur on Unsplash

When we’re truly dedicated to our own inner work, things begin to change in ways we can't always control.

We can feel it happening, maybe even see it happening in slow motion: the person we were, the habits, the comfort zones, the relationships that no longer fit—we start letting them go, piece by piece. And suddenly, we're standing in this strange, weightless space, somewhere between who we were and who we're supposed to become.

This is the liminal space. And it’s one of the hardest, rawest, and most uncomfortable places to exist.

I’ve spent a lot of time in that space, trying to figure out who I am now and who I’m becoming. It’s a place that feels like you're walking on shifting sands, never quite sure when the ground will give way beneath your feet.

Every day, you wake up not knowing if you’re still carrying the weight of your past or if the future is finally going to let you in. And you can’t rush it. You can’t make it go faster. The more you try to force change, the more elusive it becomes.

You just have to exist in it, even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world.

Having navigated that space myself, I’m here to share what I wish someone had told me a few years ago.

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Give Yourself Permission To Grieve

When we’re in the midst of transformation, it’s easy to forget one crucial thing: we need to grieve.

We often think of grief as something reserved for loss—of a loved one, a job, a relationship. But grief is also for the parts of ourselves we must leave behind in order to grow. It’s not just the people or things that we lose that require mourning, but also the pieces of us—the old versions, the past identities, the habits that have carried us this far but no longer fit the person we’re becoming.

These parts of ourselves have served us, shaped us, and protected us in some way. And while they may no longer serve us the way they once did, the process of transformation still requires us to honor them.

The problem is, we often don’t give ourselves permission to grieve. We think we should be strong, should be “moving on” already, should be focused on the future and what’s coming next. But what we don’t realize is that, in avoiding grief, we’re only prolonging our own healing. We become so focused on what’s next that we forget to honor what we’re letting go of—and without that, we can’t fully step into what’s coming.

I wrote about the importance of grieving in another article:

“Grief isn’t just for loss in the obvious sense. It’s for every goodbye. You don’t just grieve people who have passed or relationships that have ended. You grieve your past selves, the dreams you didn’t follow, the beliefs and identities you once held onto so tightly.

When you walk away from a toxic relationship, there’s a deep sadness for the parts of you that stayed too long, for the version of you who believed love had to hurt to be real. When you break old habits, you mourn the comfort they brought, even if those habits were self-destructive. When you heal childhood wounds, you grieve the innocence lost, the child who had to grow up too fast, and the safety you never truly had.

That’s how healing works. It doesn’t ask us to just move on - it asks us to move through.

Moving through isn’t just about removing these layers. We need to deeply feel their absence and acknowledge the loss. We need to feel their weight as they fall. Otherwise, we’re just pretending we’ve moved on while dragging that baggage behind us”

in Healing is All About Grieving

Grief, when embraced rather than avoided, clears space within us.

So, I invite you to give yourself that same permission. Feel the loss. Sit with the sadness. Don’t rush through it, don’t push it away, and don’t try to make it look pretty. Let yourself grieve the person you once were, and understand that this is part of the process of becoming who you’re meant to be.

This isn’t about holding onto the past forever; it’s about honoring it, acknowledging the role it played in your growth, and allowing it to gently fade away when the time is right. Only then can you truly embrace the new—the version of yourself that is still emerging, still unfolding, and full of potential.

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Find What Grounds You And Stick To It

My journey has taught me that without something steady to return to, we risk feeling like we're spiraling—like we’ve lost our center completely.

Because when everything around us is changing, it’s easy to feel disconnected or off-balance. And, in those moments, we need something to hold onto—something that helps us feel safe, balanced, and grounded. Something that gives us even the smallest sense of stability amidst the chaos.

For me, it’s simple rituals—things I rely on every day to create some sense of safety. Small acts like journaling, sitting in silence, or taking a walk in nature help me feel connected to myself, even when everything else feels uncertain. They don’t make the change go away, but they offer me a space to breathe, to reconnect, to remember that even when everything else is up in the air, I am still here.

These habits may seem small or insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but they’re not. They act as an anchor, a reminder that even when life feels chaotic, there are still pieces of stability within our control.

It can be tempting to push these grounding practices aside, especially when life feels overwhelming. Believe me, I’ve made that mistake countless times. We tell ourselves we’ll get back to them when things “settle”, or that we’ll do it once we have everything figured out. But the truth is, things don’t always settle neatly, and we’ll never have everything figured out.

The key is to make time for these grounding practices now—in the middle of the mess, when it feels the hardest. They won’t solve everything, but they will create space for you to catch your breath, regain a bit of balance, and remind yourself that you have what you need to keep going.

So, find the things that help you feel steady—no matter how small they might seem—and stick to them.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment or the “right” time. Start with what you can do today, however small. These rituals, these anchors, will help you stay steady as you navigate the uncertainty and find your way through the chaos.

How To Stay Grounded Amidst The Chaos

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Remind Yourself Why You Started, and Where You Want to Go

Sometimes, the discomfort of change becomes so overwhelming that we forget the deeper reason behind our choices. We start to doubt ourselves and wonder if it’s all worth it.

But in those moments, it’s important to pause, take a breath, and remember why we began this journey. Why did we step into the unknown in the first place?

Maybe it was a quiet yearning for something more—more peace, more growth, more authenticity. Maybe it was a desperate need to break free from what was no longer serving us, to stop ignoring our own needs and desires, and finally start saying no to things that had held us back for far too long. Maybe, for the first time, we decided to choose ourselves.

Whatever the reason, it’s still valid. Even when the path ahead feels unclear or the weight of change is heavy, that initial spark of purpose hasn’t disappeared. It might be buried beneath the doubts, fears, and the mess of it all, but it’s there. And that’s what we have to return to—the reminder of why we started and the truth that there is something better waiting for us.

When you feel lost in the process, remind yourself of what you’re moving toward. Not just the destination, but the feeling of being freer, more aligned, and more at peace with yourself.

It’s easy to get caught in the day-to-day struggle and forget the bigger picture, but that vision of who you’re becoming is what will keep you going. And the truth is, you didn’t choose this path because it was easy. You chose it because something deep inside you knew it was necessary.

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We are all in the process of becoming. It isn’t easy, and it often doesn’t happen in the neat, predictable ways we expect. But it is happening.

The discomfort you feel now is not a sign of failure or a sign that you’re lost. It’s the sign of growth in progress. It’s the stretching of your limits, the shedding of what no longer serves you, and the reclaiming of who you truly are.

This in-between space is temporary, but what you’re building—the person you’re becoming—is lasting. You are in the midst of creating something real, something meaningful, and that’s worth every moment of pain and uncertainty.

Your becoming is worth it.

So, even in those moments when you doubt yourself or wonder if it's all worth it, remember this: you are worth the work. Your growth, your healing, your transformation—it all matters. And the more you lean into it, the more you’ll see just how powerful and resilient you really are.

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Thank you for reading 🤍

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