Boundaries: The Step-by-Step Guide I Wish I Had When I Was A People-Pleaser

Everything you need to know to actually start saying no

There was a time in my life when the word “no” felt like a foreign language.

Abandoning myself was my default mode. I didn’t know that’s what I was doing at the time, but now that I don’t do it anymore, it’s crystal clear. That’s how our patterns work: when we’re deep in them, we’re on autopilot, unable to see the ways we’re compromising ourselves. It’s only when we start to break free that we realize just how much of ourselves we were giving away without even noticing.

I was constantly available, endlessly patient, and quietly exhausted. You needed me? I was there. It didn’t matter how depleted, anxious, or depressed I was—I was there.

Deep down, I knew the path I was on was not sustainable, but I didn’t know how to change it—I didn’t even know that I deserved to.

I’m sharing this with you because I know what it’s like to be trapped in that cycle of people-pleasing. I know the frustration of feeling walked over, of feeling unheard. I know the loneliness of always giving and never feeling like it’s enough.

And if someone had handed me a guide—a real, no-fluff roadmap to setting boundaries—I would have been able to reclaim my life and my sense of self so much sooner.

So I’m going to be that person for you. I’m here to tell you everything I wish somebody had told me when I was just starting and felt completely lost.

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In the first part of this series, I wrote:

“I chose this name [Creating Safety Within] because this is what my entire healing journey has been about: creating safety.

Safety within my body, where I once only knew tension and fear. Safety within my nervous system, which used to feel like it was always on high alert. Safety in my relationships, where I used to feel so much uncertainty. Safety in my environment, which was once chaotic and unpredictable.

It’s been about returning home—not to a physical place, but to myself—and learning to feel safe there.”

Creating safety within ourselves is a journey that requires intentional effort. It requires self-awareness, courage, and a commitment to prioritizing our well-being.

And that journey is impossible to navigate without boundaries.

Boundaries are what allow us to protect our inner space from external chaos and to honor our needs. They define our limits and guide how we interact with the world, giving us the clarity to navigate relationships without losing ourselves in the process.

When we lack boundaries, we invite confusion, anxiety, and resentment into our lives. We become overwhelmed by the expectations of others, caught in a relentless cycle of pleasing and accommodating. And no matter how much we try to find some inner peace, it always feels just out of reach, like chasing a mirage in the desert.

Boundaries interrupt that cycle. They force us to hit pause, to say “enough”.

Setting boundaries means we get to decide what we will and won’t accept. It means choosing where we spend our energy, who has access to our time, and how we want to be treated.

It’s uncomfortable at first, especially when we’re used to pleasing everyone else. We don’t even think we have the right to say no, let alone ask for what we truly need. So, if you’re reading this and thinking, “I know I need to set boundaries, but that’s not for me. I can’t do it—I don’t even know where to start…” I get it. I’ve been there. That’s exactly why I’m writing this!

Here’s the truth: boundaries feel impossible until you begin. And I’m here to tell you everything you need to know to actually begin that journey and reclaim your life, no matter how impossible you think it is.

To make this easier to digest, I’ve divided the process into 7 clear steps that will guide you toward reclaiming your voice and establishing the boundaries you need to feel safe and respected. It won’t happen overnight; this is a process. But if you follow these steps, I promise that you’ll finally be able to show up for yourself in ways that feel empowering and true.

So, shall we?

(Disclaimer: When I say “everything you need to know”, I mean it. I shared everything, including examples from my own journey to make it easier for you to understand and apply these principles in your own life. My goal was for this guide to be packed with value! So grab yourself a cup of coffee—there’s a lot of information to absorb!)