I've commented this before, but thank you so much for your writing! It is helping me enormously. I've felt a little guilty for setting boundaries, but I understand now that I don't need to feel that way. When I cut my father out of my life for his abuse, manipulation and control, it was for my and my family's protection. I still love my father, but I can't jeopardise my mental health to be in his life. When my brother was going through a difficult time dealing with trauma from our abusive childhood and got abusive work me, I distanced myself from him temporarily while he got his head straight. I didn't know it at the time, but I was setting valuable boundaries. Thank you for giving words to my experiences and validating the protective behaviours I learned through trial and error.
Thank you for sharing this with me, Olivia. It means so much to hear that my writing has helped you find validation and clarity in setting boundaries, especially in such complex and challenging family dynamics. The strength it takes to protect your own peace while still holding compassion for others—especially those close to you—is incredible, and it’s inspiring to see how you’ve done that for both yourself and your family. You absolutely deserve to feel secure and whole without guilt. Sending you strength and support as you continue this journey 🤍
Thank you for sharing your upbringing. Some of what you mentioned or went through i can almost relate to that because bring the only child, I have to carry that burden. I've always mentioned to each and everyone I met that every family has it own dynamics.
There are some bad choice I have to made down the road but i needed to make that because I want to live for myself and not for my dad. Life is a struggle and it ebbs and flows. I consider myself and a high empath so setting boundaries can be tricky. Sometimes easy and sometimes tough.
Thanks for sharing this, May. I can relate—I’m an only child too, and I know the pressure to carry it all yourself. It’s not easy to make choices for yourself, especially when family expectations are involved. Boundaries are tricky, especially when you’re a highly empathic person, but living for yourself is worth every step. Thanks for putting this into words ❤️
So helpful to read this— it was beautifully written. I can deeply relate to how our upbringing contributes to how we show up in our relationships today. It takes consistent effort and practice to have this sort of balance. I think the number one thing I ask of myself when I get lost in others’ chaos is patience. Patience to find the throwline and safely pull myself out.
Thank you, Alisha! I love how you put that—patience is such a powerful anchor. Finding that “throwline” sounds like such a compassionate way to stay grounded and remind yourself that you don’t have to get swept up in the chaos around you.
So helpful to read this today. As a recovering people pleaser, I don't have a great track record of setting boundaries, so it's good to be reminded that I can show empathy and compassion to someone without losing myself...it feels kinder somehow too. Thank you!
Thank you Patricia, your way with words is so beautiful and this message has resonated deeply with me today. Explains so much about what I’ve been struggling with.
Thank you so much, Alison! I'm truly grateful that my words resonated with you, and I'm so glad you decided to become a paid subscriber. It means the world to have you here on this journey with me❤️I hope I can continue to bring value to you!
Thank you, Laura! I’m so glad it resonated and brought some clarity. Empathy and boundaries can be such a tricky balance, can’t they? Keep up the great work—you’re definitely not alone on this journey!
As always Patricia, beautifully written. What you share is full of the wisdom gained from experience. We all have experiences; some are ready and able to mine the wisdom, some not. I think many benefit from the wisdom you have been able to mine. Thanks for digging and sharing the gold. Legend!
Thanks Patricia. This post helped me solve a dilemma I was having about feeling guilty for not reaching out to my sister who is in town. She has only been cold, dismissive and controlling since she’s moved. I do have empathy for whatever she’s going through, but she’s choosing not to share it with me and I need to protect myself from her toxicity, especially as I am trying so hard to overcome my people pleasing tendencies and digging deep to let my authentic self finally see the light of day.
So glad to know my words brought you that clarity, Jennifer!
Dealing with dismissiveness in the beginning is hard because we tend to internalize it. But it’s not your fault. You have every right to protect yourself.
Thank you for this post and for speaking the unspeakable with such clarity and grace.
That's not an easy thing to do, I believe, but it looks like true emotional maturity. Setting boundaries with your parents must be one of the hardest things in the world. I finally came to see my parents' 'dark sides' through my stories, despite my deep love for both of them. It’s been a painful process but definitely a necessary one for growth, gaining clarity, and reclaiming agency over my own life.
I am reassured to have some clarity, which adds value to my heart to be understood.
Such kind and thoughtful views of how we all wish to share our kindness and empathy.. Yet, need to appreciate, and to always protect our own values with more thought. To protect our own hearts. This is so important, and a lesson I’m pleased to be reminded of.
Thank you Patricia. I realize this was posted a while ago but it popped up for me this morning at just the right time.
A journal prompt yesterday was about setting boundaries and I’ve learned that’s with myself and my empathy for others.
I struggled recently with being empathetic with a friend who’s always complaining about the same issues year after year with no change and asking for ‘prayers’ to help her. I usually would reach out, give advice, take on her struggles. But this time was different.
I recently suffered a serious loss in my life and haven’t heard from her for months. I’m not saying I needed to, but when you’ve been friends for over 30 years and you’re going through grief and these friends don’t reach out just to check in, it’s only human to feel hurt.
So I really wanted to let her know she’s not alone, I’m here for her, and I know times are hard, but I did it differently. I sent one message with the saying “don’t let the hard days win” and I didn’t offer advice or take on her problem. I also didn’t share all I’ve been through because I’m learning to protect my heart.
So thank you for once again so poignantly putting into words what I’ve been experiencing.
I've commented this before, but thank you so much for your writing! It is helping me enormously. I've felt a little guilty for setting boundaries, but I understand now that I don't need to feel that way. When I cut my father out of my life for his abuse, manipulation and control, it was for my and my family's protection. I still love my father, but I can't jeopardise my mental health to be in his life. When my brother was going through a difficult time dealing with trauma from our abusive childhood and got abusive work me, I distanced myself from him temporarily while he got his head straight. I didn't know it at the time, but I was setting valuable boundaries. Thank you for giving words to my experiences and validating the protective behaviours I learned through trial and error.
Thank you for sharing this with me, Olivia. It means so much to hear that my writing has helped you find validation and clarity in setting boundaries, especially in such complex and challenging family dynamics. The strength it takes to protect your own peace while still holding compassion for others—especially those close to you—is incredible, and it’s inspiring to see how you’ve done that for both yourself and your family. You absolutely deserve to feel secure and whole without guilt. Sending you strength and support as you continue this journey 🤍
Thank you for sharing your upbringing. Some of what you mentioned or went through i can almost relate to that because bring the only child, I have to carry that burden. I've always mentioned to each and everyone I met that every family has it own dynamics.
There are some bad choice I have to made down the road but i needed to make that because I want to live for myself and not for my dad. Life is a struggle and it ebbs and flows. I consider myself and a high empath so setting boundaries can be tricky. Sometimes easy and sometimes tough.
Thanks for sharing this, May. I can relate—I’m an only child too, and I know the pressure to carry it all yourself. It’s not easy to make choices for yourself, especially when family expectations are involved. Boundaries are tricky, especially when you’re a highly empathic person, but living for yourself is worth every step. Thanks for putting this into words ❤️
So helpful to read this— it was beautifully written. I can deeply relate to how our upbringing contributes to how we show up in our relationships today. It takes consistent effort and practice to have this sort of balance. I think the number one thing I ask of myself when I get lost in others’ chaos is patience. Patience to find the throwline and safely pull myself out.
Thank you, Alisha! I love how you put that—patience is such a powerful anchor. Finding that “throwline” sounds like such a compassionate way to stay grounded and remind yourself that you don’t have to get swept up in the chaos around you.
So helpful to read this today. As a recovering people pleaser, I don't have a great track record of setting boundaries, so it's good to be reminded that I can show empathy and compassion to someone without losing myself...it feels kinder somehow too. Thank you!
It does feel kinder, doesn't it? Perhaps because we're being kind to ourselves too 🤍
Thank you, Karen!
Thank you Patricia, your way with words is so beautiful and this message has resonated deeply with me today. Explains so much about what I’ve been struggling with.
Thank you so much, Alison! I'm truly grateful that my words resonated with you, and I'm so glad you decided to become a paid subscriber. It means the world to have you here on this journey with me❤️I hope I can continue to bring value to you!
So well written and definitely helps with clarity relating to empathy and boundaries. Something I have been working on as well.
Thank you, Laura! I’m so glad it resonated and brought some clarity. Empathy and boundaries can be such a tricky balance, can’t they? Keep up the great work—you’re definitely not alone on this journey!
As always Patricia, beautifully written. What you share is full of the wisdom gained from experience. We all have experiences; some are ready and able to mine the wisdom, some not. I think many benefit from the wisdom you have been able to mine. Thanks for digging and sharing the gold. Legend!
Thank you, Ian! That really means a lot. I’m just glad the insights I've picked up along the way resonate and hopefully bring value to others too.
Appreciate your words and support—thanks for reading!
Thanks Patricia. This post helped me solve a dilemma I was having about feeling guilty for not reaching out to my sister who is in town. She has only been cold, dismissive and controlling since she’s moved. I do have empathy for whatever she’s going through, but she’s choosing not to share it with me and I need to protect myself from her toxicity, especially as I am trying so hard to overcome my people pleasing tendencies and digging deep to let my authentic self finally see the light of day.
So glad to know my words brought you that clarity, Jennifer!
Dealing with dismissiveness in the beginning is hard because we tend to internalize it. But it’s not your fault. You have every right to protect yourself.
Thank you! I needed to hear this today. Love and light to you for your generous contribution to my life today ♥️
Thank you for this post and for speaking the unspeakable with such clarity and grace.
That's not an easy thing to do, I believe, but it looks like true emotional maturity. Setting boundaries with your parents must be one of the hardest things in the world. I finally came to see my parents' 'dark sides' through my stories, despite my deep love for both of them. It’s been a painful process but definitely a necessary one for growth, gaining clarity, and reclaiming agency over my own life.
Thank you for your words.
I am reassured to have some clarity, which adds value to my heart to be understood.
Such kind and thoughtful views of how we all wish to share our kindness and empathy.. Yet, need to appreciate, and to always protect our own values with more thought. To protect our own hearts. This is so important, and a lesson I’m pleased to be reminded of.
Thank you Patricia. I realize this was posted a while ago but it popped up for me this morning at just the right time.
A journal prompt yesterday was about setting boundaries and I’ve learned that’s with myself and my empathy for others.
I struggled recently with being empathetic with a friend who’s always complaining about the same issues year after year with no change and asking for ‘prayers’ to help her. I usually would reach out, give advice, take on her struggles. But this time was different.
I recently suffered a serious loss in my life and haven’t heard from her for months. I’m not saying I needed to, but when you’ve been friends for over 30 years and you’re going through grief and these friends don’t reach out just to check in, it’s only human to feel hurt.
So I really wanted to let her know she’s not alone, I’m here for her, and I know times are hard, but I did it differently. I sent one message with the saying “don’t let the hard days win” and I didn’t offer advice or take on her problem. I also didn’t share all I’ve been through because I’m learning to protect my heart.
So thank you for once again so poignantly putting into words what I’ve been experiencing.
I truly appreciate your writing. 💓