You're Not 'Low Maintenance'. You Just Carry The Belief That Your Needs Don't Matter

But they do matter, and you need to honor them

Many of us are programmed to believe that we need to be low maintenance, especially in the context of intimate relationships.

We want to be seen as easygoing, undemanding, and uncomplicated. If something upsets us, we stay quiet. We don’t speak up, because we don’t want to seem “too messy” or “too difficult”.

This is something I used to struggle with in all my previous relationships. I’d swallow my feelings, telling myself it was easier to let things go than to rock the boat. Even if I felt insecure, disrespected, or minimized in some way, I would stay silent. I truly believed that by suppressing my emotions, I was being a better partner —as if my lovability was based on how little I asked for, how few demands I made, and how easily I could adapt to whatever was thrown my way.

The insidious part is how this habit of self-denial can masquerade as contentment. You tell yourself you’re easy to please. You convince yourself that your silence in moments of discomfort is a form of grace. But deep down, there’s a different story playing out—one of resentment, exhaustion, and unmet desires that you’ve buried so well, they’re almost unrecognizable.

And yet, honoring your needs feels impossible. Where would you even begin? What if people reject the real you, the one with preferences and boundaries and messy, complicated feelings?

What if honoring your needs drives people away, making them think you're too difficult to love?

There are many questions that come to our minds when we come face to face with these fears. But if we truly want to heal them, the real question we should be asking is: Why do we believe that being undemanding and uncomplicated is a virtue? Why do we carry this idea that, to be worthy of love, we must have no needs?