Once You Learn To Validate Yourself, Your Whole Life Changes
There's nothing more powerful than validating your own worth
We all crave external validation.
From the time we’re little, we’re taught to seek approval from others — our parents, teachers, friends, partners, and society at large. We’re conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to how others see us, how they judge us, and how much they applaud or criticize us.
But sooner or later, this constant craving for external validation leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled. We may achieve success, recognition, and admiration from the outside world, but deep down, we still feel incomplete.
That’s when we realize that no amount of praise or approval from others can fill the void within us.
And that’s when the journey inward begins.
Seeking external validation was my default mode.
It wasn’t a conscious decision, of course. Like most people, I didn’t wake up each morning thinking, “How can I impress others today?”. But looking back now, it’s crystal clear that many of my actions and achievements were driven by an underlying need to feel seen, recognized, and appreciated by those around me.
This doesn’t apply to my achievements only — it also applies to my lack of boundaries. I found myself saying “yes” to every request, even when every cell in my body wanted me to say no. Whether it was taking on extra work projects, attending social events I had no interest in, or sacrificing my own needs for the sake of others, I constantly overextended myself to gain approval and acceptance.
But the more I gave, the more exhausted I was.
It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize that something had to change. I couldn’t continue living my life for others. I needed to set boundaries, prioritize my own needs, and learn to say “no” without guilt or fear of rejection.
The thing about saying no and setting boundaries is that we need to learn how to source our validation from within, otherwise, it won’t work. We need to realize that our worth doesn’t come from how much we do for others or how much they approve of us. More importantly, we need to realize that we have every right to stand up for ourselves, especially when we’re dealing with people who don’t respect our boundaries.
Because believe me, there are plenty of them out there.
When the journey inward begins, we start questioning the beliefs and expectations that have shaped our lives for so long.
We ask ourselves: What do I truly value? What brings me joy? What matters most to me, regardless of what others think?
In this process, we unearth the core of our being — the values, passions, and aspirations that define us at our essence. And the deeper we dive, the easier it becomes for us to see the difference between external influences and our authentic desires.
It took me a few years of going through this process to see its ripple effect on my life. In the beginning, I still craved external validation, though not as much as before. After all, it is a process— a slow, gradual process.
However, with each passing day, I anchored myself more deeply in my true self. Slowly but surely, I began to speak my truth and draw my limits. I found the courage to express my needs and desires, even if it meant risking disapproval or conflict.
Now, self-validation comes naturally to me.
If someone dismisses my feelings, I stand my ground and remind myself that my feelings matter. If someone questions my choices or criticizes my decisions, I trust in my own judgment and stay true to myself. And if someone tries to undermine my confidence, I draw strength from within and refuse to let their words define me.
Whatever happens, I know my needs, thoughts, and feelings matter — and I no longer let anyone minimize them.
Once you learn to validate yourself, your whole life changes. As with everything in life, there are pros and cons (though the cons here are blessings in disguise).
The pros are evident — you feel more connected to yourself than ever before. You rediscover your voice, you become more confident, and your intuition becomes remarkably clear.
The “cons”? Most of your relationships fall apart, and suddenly, you find yourself feeling adrift in a world that seems superficial and inauthentic. It’s a tough pill to swallow. You start questioning if you’re the one in the wrong, if maybe you should play it safe and go back to your old ways.
And, once again, this is the phase where the art of self-validation comes in — the phase where you remind yourself that staying true to who you are is more important than clinging to relationships that don’t honor your authenticity, and that this journey will eventually lead you to connections that resonate more deeply with your true self.
Learning to validate yourself is a journey of self-discovery and self-compassion. It’s about embracing your strengths and weaknesses, celebrating your successes and failures, and recognizing that you are worthy of love, respect, and acceptance exactly as you are.
So, how do you start validating yourself?
It begins with self-awareness. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Notice the stories you tell yourself about your worth and challenge them with compassion and curiosity.
Above all, be patient and kind to yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a strong sense of self. But little by little, you’ll cultivate a deep sense of self-worth that comes from within — and you’ll witness the transformative power of embracing your authenticity.
You’ve got this.
Thank you for reading 🤍
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Thank you Patricia...sound and important advice I think. My own experience is that I had to go this pathway you explain, which then led me to the doorway of realising that the source of greatest validation lay beneath all my stories and emotions. Thank you again Patricia.🙏🏼
This is so spot on! I have never felt more confident and comfortable with myself than I do now that I've learned the validation I need comes from within.